Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Do We Really Look That Slow, Mr. Snow?

Ok, since the reporter who asked the original question didn't have the spine to say it, once again I will do the dirty work for the media. Here's how the transcript would have looked had I been in the press-room:

Tony Snow: What do you gain from a transcript?...the answer is, not much.

Dr. Cassandra Herzog: Tony, first of all, let me thank you for asking such a pertinent and, frankly, courageous question. As much as it pains me to challenge the words exiting what must be the most honest and pristine mouthpiece in all of Christendom, I would have to disagree with your answer. And by the way, kudos on answering your own question. I wish we in the White House Press Corps could do that sometimes, on those very rare occasions when you're not wholly generous with the truth...

Tony Snow: ...Let me interrupt you there, Mrs. Herzog...

Dr. Herzog: ...It's Dr. Herzog, Tony, you dear little thing, and no, I think that we in the corps owe you the courtesy of answering one little itty bitty question from you, when you spend all your valuable time constructing clear, concise, and, dare I say, brutally honest answers for our big, bad, angry, liberal questions. So...where was I? Oh yes, your answer is shite. To use nice and simple politico-speak so that all my colleagues can follow along, a transcript gives the whole affair some measure of transparency and accountability. I am really quite baffled, Tony...may I call you Tony?...

Tony: Yes, but I really...

Dr. Herzog: Shut up, Tony...anyway, I am really quite baffled that you people have yet to catch on. You are NOT omnipotent, and the entire population of the United States, whose best interests you so condescendingly suggest to have at heart, is hip to your bullshit. We are buried in it and it smells most foul indeed. You are liars, all of you, and you will do whatever it takes, usually with the most brazen arrogance imaginable, to achieve your small-minded and petty aims. You should all be as ashamed as yourselves as the American people are, and yet you all continue on as if God's holy light is shining forth from your every orifice and those who don't see this clear sign of your holy mandate can piss off. Well, we see an entirely different substance emanating from your orifices, Tony, and it's called Satan's spooge. And here's a follow up question that this spineless yellow-belly sitting next to me should have asked: What do YOU gain from NOT having a transcript? And the answer is...oh, yes Tony, you're on to something with the whole answering your own question thing...AND THE ANSWER IS...deniability and ass-covering...next question!

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